today is not the day to get distracted.

watershed has to be at the printers tomorrow morning. i have a huge copyediting project that is only half way done if you’re very generous about what half is. and tonight i’m meeting e’s mom for the first time.

so instead of getting shit done, knocking items off the list of things that have to be done if i still want that A grade, i’m writing a treaties that won’t see the light of day for a few weeks yet.

love.

and we can all thank my mom, for putting more stress on me about tonight’s dinner than even i could imagine on my own.

“take out your piercings, talk slow. you could be meeting your future mother-in-law.”

omfg, seriously? thanks. because today wasn’t stressfull enough already.

joshawesome:

Just a bit ago, my mom referred to me as “he”. This is coming from a person who went ballistic when I came out as transgender and hasn’t talked about it since that day five years ago.

My thoughts on it: holy fucking wow.

yay! always good when moms start to accept us for who we are, not who they want us to be. 

i am falling apart.

not literally. not metaphorically. but at the seams, none the less.

my to-do lists give birth to to-do lists. on the calendar, in my journal, on my computer, written on post-it notes, scrap envelopes, and my hands—every where i look, there is another list vying for attention.

lists of homework. lists of deadlines that must be met. list of design mockups to produce. list of books to read, poems to write, bills to pay.

i’m not a fan of lists. every time i see a list, i feel guilty for doing things that are not on the list. like chillin’ with e, or the girls, or reading a book that isn’t on any assigned reading list.

i am falling a part. someone pick up the pieces in december?

it seems unreal to be this ridiculously happy.

i’ve never been a girl who needed a boy to be happy, but omfg he makes me happy. 

it doesn’t matter that i’m broke beyond belief, that my design work isn’t working, that i go to bed and wake up (alone and) exhausted. 

i rock. i’m awesome. (and no i’m not full of myself). and he knows it. and he tells me it. and he’s pretty much the most awesomest thing that has happened to me in this stretch of my lifetime. 

ridiculously happy. i didn’t know happiness could be this extended and drawn out. 

ridiculously.